dynamics.

the last couple of days made me realize things.

mainly, it made me realize that the world is dynamic, never static. the world doesn't sit still and wait for anyone. or anything. and it's the same with people. we change all the time, whether we realize it or not. and whether we like it or not. i can honestly say that i'm a totally different person now than i was on june 20, 2008 at midnight. (in fact, i was probably sleeping already LOL.)

all kidding aside, people change. and the world changes. and life changes. so when those three meld together and interact, they're like waves: they can be either constructive or destructive. but of course, my philosophy on life is that no matter what, things happen for a reason, and i guess the branch of that logic that pertains to this says that no matter how the 'waves' interact in the short term, in the long-term it's always constructive.

a big part of the 'collision of waves' is the fact that people come and go in our lives. it's unavoidable. and we often wish that certain groups of people would stay forever in our lives. i'm so thankful that DSP has stuck together for such a long time. i mean, we are godbrothers & godsisters, and yes, our parents are so close that no matter what we ain't gonna leave each other, but still we could just as easily avoid each other. but no, through all our differences, we've stayed close. we really are siblings. but i wish the same held true for PACBC.

i miss being in the third-fourth marking period of my freshman year of high school. yes, i did come out of a particularly destructive relationship, but the timing was so perfect. at my lowest point, this group that i had met by chance through a cotillion lifted me up. i'm never gonna forget what they did for me, even if they themselves never realized it. i miss sportsworld - march 5, '05. i miss the cotillion and its aftermath - april 16, '05. i miss all the random times atchi would pick me up from school and drive me all the way to palisades center mall just to meet up with all the other PACBC heads. i miss being close to liz and all the talks we'd have. i miss being close to trisha, khristine and angeline and having our families close. i miss the antics of the guys that made me really pissed at first but then now that i look back, i really miss it. i miss the talks with melissa, because even though i know now that i was wrong, and she probably knew it all along, she let me vent to her, even when she was closer to my ex than me. HAHA i miss that time when we were all on the one bed in the room after the cotillion, and then i was trying to pull out the bobbie pins out of angeline's hair while talking to melissa and liz, who were taking bobbie pins out of other people's hair. they made such an impact on my life, and now i barely see them. that's what honestly hurts the most. and i just hope that i'd be able to be close to at least some of them, and i hope it happens soon, cus i miss them, a lot.

wow, i got really sidetracked. i guess my point is, no matter how much of an impact people make in your life, if they weren't meant to be in your life, then there will be a point when they have to go. but they leave an indelible mark on your heart, on your soul; a mark that can't be erased. and along with that mark are memories, forever emboldened in your mind, like a virtual scrapbook that you can flip open anytime to reminisce. the waves were probably destructive for this group, but in the end, it was constructive because we all got something out of it.

there's a lot of upheaval and change going on in my life right now. the seemingly indestructible pillar of strength just crumbled right before my eyes, and now there's no more 'perfect' that i can reference. as they say, 'all good things must come to an end.' but why this? why did the one thing that seemed perfect, forever, just crumble in a matter of months? yes, i know the reasons. but still, why?

but like i said, the world, its people, and their lives are all dynamic, never static. they don't stop for anyone, or for anything.