pwned ><

okay. so in all my years of being the person i am, i've been used to being the person giving advice. sure, people give me advice too, but to be honest, it's usually been in one ear and out the other. until this year; i started listening to advice from my best friends more. usually i come back with a complaint to which they have a response, and usually it's back and forth. but yesterday, i was talking to my best friend justine through text. and she shut me up. i was like WOW.

(copied and pasted from her blogspot)
Richard: But I can learn to be content, I've done it before.

Justine: Okaay but what would you rather be?? Content or happy?!

R: Happy. Duh. But if it eludes me then what can I do?

J: Umm try again?

R: It always ends up the same way though.

J: How do you know that?! It always ends the same way? So does that mean me and Mae should just end things between James and Neil cuz it's just gonna end the same way our past relationships ended?? No! Because nothing's for certain mannn. You don't know if it's gonna work out or not but it's worth it if it does!

R: Damn you're good! Lol!



she shut me up. forreal. i didn't have a response. because it was so true. she and our other friend mae have been through quite a bit in the past months, yet now they're in new relationships and happy. cycles can break. and i think i get that.

but what if i'm scared of what's going to happen? yeah, nothing's for certain. for all i know they can end up getting married. or the exact opposite. but who knows? that scares the hell out of me. i hate risk because of the uncertainty. fuck schrodinger and his uncertainty principle. you never know at one exact moment where anything is... fuck that. i want to know. because i'm afraid of getting hurt. i don't want to get hurt. i want it to end up like in the movies. where people live happily ever after, together. and yeah, i know movies are movies for a reason (cause they aren't real) but is it bad to hope? can you live with the lingering thought in the back of your mind that you don't know what's going to happen?

maybe i'm being unrealistic. but am i being unreasonable for wanting perfection? not perfection in a girl. but perfection in a relationship. i hate the downhill part. and i don't want it to ever happen to me. because i see it happen to my friends all the time. and i wonder if they ever get tired of it. because i know i sure would.

until i find what i'm looking for, gg best. =/